Nazarene Family Services

So True...

2012-01-26T09:33:00.000-06:00

Stress Management

2012-01-05T10:06:00.002-06:00

Teach Our Daughters

2012-01-04T10:01:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T09:55:00.000-06:00

Worry

2011-11-09T21:14:00.005-06:00

Gungor - Beautiful Things

2011-09-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

Leadership Summit

2011-08-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

I spent the past two days at the Willowcreek Global Leadership Summit. I’m not sure how many years I have attended the summit, but I think this year was my favorite (although I think I say that every year!). I always walk away inspired and ready to take action. One of the speakers, Stephen Furtick, made the statement, ”if all you have is a good idea you are a day dreamer, not a visionary. It takes audacious faith to move from inspiration to implementation.” I wonder how many good ideas I have never acted on in my life. I can think of several business ideas, several personal goals, and many relational opportunities missed. My prayer today is that I find that audacious faith to carry out the next idea, and maybe even dust off some of the old ones.

Layman's 10 Commandments

2011-05-18T08:37:00.002-05:00

Layman's 10 Commandments.

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2] So a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today'sPEACE.

A Day Made of Glass... Made possible by Corning.

2011-04-04T08:14:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2011-03-27T20:02:00.002-05:00

“The most important discovery of our time is the realization that we can alter our lives by altering our attitudes.” William James

Weight Loss Secrets

2011-03-09T19:14:00.000-06:00

Bike Ride with God

2011-03-01T17:57:00.000-06:00

At first I saw God as an observer, maybe someone with a telescope who watched me from far away. He was like a judge, keeping track of what I did right and what I did wrong. At the end of my life, He would decide whether I deserved heaven or hell. I did not know God back then.

Later on I met Jesus, and I started to see life like a bike ride. It was a tandem bike and now Jesus was in the back helping me to pedal. I don't know just when He suggested that we switch places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control I knew what way I wanted to go. It was a little boring but predictable. I had the same friends, we did the same things. Life was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He showed me delightful long cuts, up mountains and through rocky places at break-neck speed. It was all I could do to hang on. Even though sometimes it all seemed crazy, He'd just keeping saying "pedal."

I would become worried and ask: "Where are you taking me? Can I trust you?" But He'd just laugh and say "yes" and slowly I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say I'm scared he'd lean back and take my hand. He took me to meet people I never thought I would ever associate with and they would become my friends. They had things that I needed: gifts of acceptance and joy, lessons about life and love. And sometimes we'd meet people who needed a gift from me. I'd never done that before. When I would be overwhelmed by it all, Jesus would just smile and say, "I told you it would be fun!"

I must say I did not trust Him at first in control of my life. I thought he would wreck it. But He knows bike secrets, and I have learned that they are the secrets of life, too. He knows how to take sharp corners, how to jump high rocks and how to stop and rest in the most amazing places. Now I am just learning to enjoy being with my Lord, to pedal without fear in the strangest and beautiful places, to enjoy the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. I could never have gone where I have gone, or seen what I have seen, or become what I have become without Him. And still He just says, "Pedal." -anonymous

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2011-01-23T19:14:00.002-06:00

"To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny."

Alan Cohen

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2011-01-16T07:11:00.003-06:00

Drinking from the Saucer

I never made a fortune,
And I'll never make one now.
But it doesn't really matter
"cause I'm happy anyhow.
As I go along my journey,
I'm reaping better than I've sown.
I'm drinking from the saucer
"cause my cup has overflowed.

I don't have a lot of riches,
And sometimes the going's rough.
But while I've got friends to love me,
I think I'm rich enough.
I'll just thank God for blessings
That His mercy has bestowed.
I'm drinking from the saucer
"cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,
When the way grows steep and rough,
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.
May I never be too busy to help
bear another's load
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer
"cause my cup has overflowed.

Author Unknown

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2011-01-09T17:02:00.000-06:00

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

- Author Unknown

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2011-01-02T20:57:00.000-06:00

Just For Today

Just for today I will try to live through this day only nad not tackle my whole life program at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes what Abraham Lincoln said is true: that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is from within. It is not a matter of externals.

Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, and nourish it, and not abuse it or neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought, and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: (1) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; (2) I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise; (3) I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with appreciation, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate or improve anyone.

Just for today I will have a program. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I'll have it. It will save me from the two pests of hurry and indecision.

Just for today Ill have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. In this half hour, sometime, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective in my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love, love me.

Robert L. Wood

Fun Friday

2010-11-26T13:37:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T07:29:00.000-06:00

TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP.
I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS,
I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.

THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED -
THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE,
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION
WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT.
TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION,
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.
SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR,
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.
GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.

I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,
'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY,
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.
BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES....
HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY,
MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP.
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS.
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS!!

Thanksgiving Preparations

2010-11-24T14:01:00.001-06:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2010-11-21T13:40:00.000-06:00

"Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good..."

[Psalm 100:4, 5a]

Fun Friday

2010-11-19T13:34:00.000-06:00

Fun Friday

2010-11-12T13:58:00.000-06:00

Why Strong Men Fall into Lustful Addiction

2010-10-29T20:07:00.001-05:00

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor

Sarah woke up from a deep sleep at 3 AM and realized that her husband wasn’t in bed, so she got up to see if he was okay. She was not prepared for what she saw next. Her husband of 27 years, who she respected as a man of integrity, was sitting in front of their home computer in some sort of “trance” while looking at the most sexually graphic pictures that she had ever seen.

“Mark,” she shouted! “What are you doing?” Mark was shocked to see her, but then looked up into the confused eyes of his wife and sobbed out, “I don’t know.”

Sadly this sort of scene is played out every single day in good homes all across the country. Research shows there are over 1,000 “adult” pornographic sites added to the internet every week, which are readily available to anyone surfing the web looking for a quick sexual thrill.

Sexual addiction is a huge problem for all segments of society, including Christian circles. The Men’s group ‘Promise Keepers’ did a confidential survey and discovered that 62% of men attending their stadium events listed lustful addiction to porn as their number one life problem. Ministries Today magazine reported that 29 % of men who regularly attend church believe that they have a sexual addiction.

This type of struggle is not new. Thousands of years ago the key leader of ancient Israel was a man named Samson. You may remember the Bible stories which teach he was physically stronger than any other man who had ever lived, yet was totally weak in his struggle with sexual temptation around prostitutes and eventually was seduced into captivity and prison by a temptress named Delilah who sold him out.

Samson had seen God work incredible miracles in his life; he had even been raised in a godly home by godly parents. He knew the ways of the Lord and although he was the strongest man on the battlefield, he never had any strength or victory over his lustful eyes and sexual desires.

Think of it! The strongest man who ever lived was no match for the sexual temptations of his culture. Could the same reasons that plagued Samson thousands of years ago still be the reasons why so many strong men still fall into this addictive area? Let’s look at some of the main issues that led to Mark’s struggle to discover some answers.

The dictionary defines “lust” as sexual desire, often to an intense or unrestrained degree.

There is a simple counseling outline to use to see if someone you love is being overwhelmed by lust, with each letter spelling out the behaviors that had slowly taken over Mark’s life leading to his on-line addiction, and may be warning signs for someone you know as well.

L- Lonely

Men today are more lonely and “disconnected” than ever before. This loneliness leaves them feeling empty as they realize that they are totally alone in the world. You may remember that when God looked down on Adam in the Garden of Eden, He saw that man was alone and it was not good, so He made a perfect partner for him named Eve.

The Bible models the need for relationships in countless ways. From Jonathan & David, to the twelve disciples, to the connected relationship of the Holy Trinity that God the Father has with God the Son and with God the Spirit, we see the need to do things together for comfort, strength and unity. Sadly, in Mark and Sarah’s case, he had become isolated and had pulled away from her, so he was alone more and more of the time, leading to his “middle of the night” ritual with pornography that almost destroyed the marriage.

* Think of the men you know. Are they connected in healthy relationships with accountability?

* If you see significant times of isolation, especially if it involves the computer, television or a smart-phone, you need to be aware of the possible temptations and dangers of sexual addiction that lonely men often turn to and then become trapped by.

U- Unfulfilled

This letter represents the tremendous levels of being unfulfilled that men feel in their personal or professional life. They don’t know what their purpose or life passion is, which can be especially challenging during the middle years of life where there is incredible pressure to be successful and financially secure.

If a man begins to question his ability to keep up with the expectations of his culture, or his own personal goals or expectations don’t look like they are going to be realized, he begins to give up inside. It is this lack of fulfillment which leads to the desire for something more than he currently has in his life, something bigger and more exciting to fill the emptiness and frustration in his life.

Sexual addictions are often about escaping from inner pressure or pain, but equally common is the short-term pleasure associated with these mental fantasies. Whether the on-line searching behavior is driven by pleasure seeking or by escapism or both; the bottom line is that sexual addictions are an attempt to find some relief from pressure.

He might feel empty or like a failure over the things that he believes are going wrong in his business, finances, marriage or family so the secretive behavior of on-line porn usage becomes like a quick ‘fix’ to cope with the pressures. It doesn’t last and it only makes a man feel more empty and more like a failure inside, further trapping him into an addictive pattern of sexual addiction.

Mark tried to forget about the pressure he felt to financially keep his family and business going, while keeping up with the growing expenses of having two kids in college and still trying to find enough money to fund his retirement. These were huge financial goals, and though he was seriously stressed over them he was still barely making it financially. Still, in the back corner of his mind he thought he was a financial failure and it was this ongoing fear which continued to fuel his escapism into pornography to forget about the pressures of his life for a few minutes.

* Consider if the men in your life are living out their purpose and passion. If not they can often feel tempted to seek the wrong passions which can ruin the rest of their life.

* Asking questions to challenge a man before he wrecks his life is a kindness to him and everyone who cares about him, so be direct in voicing any areas of concern. Better to have a difficult conversation now than to have a tearful one later.

S- Stressed

Stress is the next dangerous warning symptom that can snare men into long term sexual addictions. Every man faces stressful times as a normal part of life, but what happens when he doesn't deal with the stress at the main source?

Answer- it just gets bigger and bigger and that is what happened in Mark’s case. He had learned to cope with the growing stress and financial pressure in his life by just stuffing it inside. He had learned to simply say that ‘it doesn’t bother me’ or ‘no big deal’ but in reality the stress and pressure was eating him alive inside.

Stuffed emotions are a way of life for many men, but eventually those stuffed feelings will come out, sometimes through an angry explosion of rage, sometimes through long moody periods of brooding or depressive behavior. Either way, when a man doesn’t deal with the pressures eating away at him, he very likely may end up addicted to porn just like Mark.

Attempting to use media images and fantasies to avoid the very real fears, doubts, worries and anxieties a man often faces is only a short term escape anyway since nothing is done to actually deal with or resolve the real problems in life.

It’s like the classic General Motors commercial about ‘Mr. Goodwrench’ who says ‘pay me now- or pay me later’. The difference being that with stress you have to ‘Deal with it now, or deal with it later,’ because either way, he is going to have to deal with the real issues in his life and the sooner the better because it’s always easier to address stress now before it becomes a life dominating problem later.

* Since stress is a normal part of life consider how the men in your life reduce pressure. If you don't see any healthy outlets then look for unhealthy ones because stress doesn't go away or get smaller by itself, it just grows in size and scope leading to bigger problems

* Don't be afraid to suggest logical ways to reduce stress and pressure. Exercise, recreation, meditation, church, family time- any of these activities are great ways to unwind pressure to prevent secret temptations from taking over a man’s life.

T- Tired

This word in the formula is familiar to most men, because Mark was tired, really, really tired. The many years of secret, sexual behavior, (mostly during the night hours), had really taken its toll. He had cheated his body out of sleep for too many years and was totally exhausted most of the time.

Face it- tired people are really easy to tempt. Think of the chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer when it is late at night and you have starved all day. The more physically fatigued you are, the more likely you are to do and say things that are impulsive as an attempt to find some relief.

Mark knew he was fatigued and that he hated his behavior, but he just didn’t have the energy to say “no” to the temptation anymore so he would cave into to his desires and feel like a failure as a Christian and as a committed husband over and over again.

Put this formula together and you have letters representing the biggest reasons for sexual addiction- L.U.S.T. which represent the symptoms of a lonely, unfulfilled, emotionally stuffed and tired man. No wonder Mark was so open to the temptations of his culture and no wonder he became so enslaved to this increasingly common sin.

John Stossel, from ABC News did a TV special on the issue of addiction to pornography. He made this observation at the end of his investigative report.

“Media images trick us into believing there are many available, attractive people that really desire to be with us”.

While you know the perfectly airbrushed Hollywood ‘babes’ in the magazines or movies are not really going to seek out a 25 year older guy with a big belly and growing bald spot, a stressed out man’s need to believe in the fantasy is often is stronger than simply in facing the tough reality of his life.

Perhaps it is better understood when considering the ancient wisdom of St. Paul who wrote “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.”
(-Ephesians 4:19)

Culture offers many escapes from facing reality and often considers porn as a normal way for ‘boys to be boys’ yet Jesus when teaching the sermon on the mountain showed exactly the opposite. He didn’t excuse a lustful look as typical and normal male behavior instead he challenged men to live at a higher standard. His words are just as powerful today as they were 2,000 years ago when he said, “whoever looks at a women to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (-Matthew 5:28)

Is this standard of mental purity impossible? Not at all, but it takes a man learning to view a woman as a real person, instead of an object to be sexualized for personal gratification. I believe lustful addictions destroy marital intimacy and then steal the emotional energy which belongs to their marriage partner. Pornography is not a victimless crime as some suggest since someone always gets hurt and often it is a wife or child who discovers that the man in their life is a secret sex addict. Marriages often fail because of porn and kids may never look at their father the same way again.

Final Plea from Mark and Sarah

Thankfully this is an addiction that can change. Mark and Sarah sought out professional help with a skilled Christian counselor and over time, trust was rebuilt and their marriage was able to recover from the major betrayal that always comes after porn addiction is discovered.

This is a real couple I personally know, (although the names were changed), who would plead with me to share their story of relationship restoration. They would want me tell you that you can’t get better by yourself, and to secretly keep stuffing it inside only makes the problems bigger.

Living with a secret that is eating you and your marriage alive is like a cancer that is killing you a little each day. You have to deal with it or it will kill you and your marriage!

They would urge you to open your eyes and ears to any odd behavior that may be an indicator that your mate may be addicted to pornography and often is just too weak to stop the behavior without help. They would plead with you to take this seriously before it ruins another home like it almost did theirs. They would challenge you and your family member to seek out a good church that offers grace for those struggling with addictive behaviors and accountability groups to prevent relapses. They would tell you that it can and will change, when you get honest, humble your heart and seek some professional help on your road to break free of sexual addiction and rebuild a life of sexual purity as God designed for married couples.

Tragically we know Samson didn’t do that. He had no power over his lustful eyes. You may remember his enemies captured him with the help of the seductress Delilah who he foolishly believed actually cared for and loved him.

The first thing they did was to poke out his eyes with a burning hot iron rod. Blinded, and in prison, Samson repented and came back to his God. As a blind man, he could finally see the truth reflected in Psalms 101:3 “I will set nothing wicked before my eyes”. My prayer is that men everywhere would live out that Biblical truth and then boldly reach out to help rescue other strong men trapped in the “Samson Syndrome”.

Someone you know needs this article, please forward it on to them as a challenge to walk free from temptation so they can experience greater freedom in life and greater connection to God, to their marriage partner and to their family instead of living in the shadows of those trapped by a sexual addiction.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2010), To subscribe to this valuable weekly resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org "

About the author-Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2010-09-05T22:10:00.004-05:00

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."

Charles A. Cerami
Author

God-O-Matic or Absolute Surrender

2010-09-02T20:07:00.000-05:00

Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage

2010-08-19T08:52:00.000-05:00

I see so many couples in marriage counseling that come to me at the end of their marital rope...they feel desperate and wonder if their marriages can be saved or if it is too late for them. I have always believed that no marriage is so far gone that it can't be helped...if both partners are willing to work. But what about those relationships where only one partner is willing to work on the relationship? Or those marriages where one partner doesn't believe their is a problem and is unwilling to engage in even a conversation about what needs to change? What is a Christian to do when they feel that divorce is not an option, but remaining in an unhealthy marriage seems like a life sentence? As a marriage counselor I have not always had an answer to that question. It seems like divorce would be the most humane way to end the misery of an unhealthy marriage...but there has to be another way!

On the recommendation of a client I have been reading the book Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Michael Misja. Ph.D. and Chuck Misja, Ph.D. The authors believe that you can thrive even when faced with a partner who is unwilling or unable to change. Unfortunately, there is a lot working against marriage today. Our society would have us believe that everything is disposable...even marriage. If you're not "happy" you have the right to go find "happiness" even if it means leaving your spouse. Another force working against marriage is found in Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The authors of Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage state, "Your and your spouse's hearts are precious to God. The Enemy knows this and will spare nothing and no one in his attempts to conquer your heart. If he can give you a spiritual cancer by producing despair, bitterness, pride, or apathy, he has won your heart," and "You are on the right path when you understand that the true problem that needs to be addressed doesn't concern the defects in your spouse but rather the darkness that emerges from your own heart while in a difficult marriage."

Thriving in a difficult marriage means facing the truth about marriage...that it is hard, and it takes work. If you are looking for a book that sugar coats the truth about marriage this is not the book for you...but if you are ready to let God work in you and subsequently your marriage you might want to pick this one up!

Dreams

2010-07-31T10:29:00.002-05:00

"They may become harder to achieve, but your dreams can't stop because you've hit a certain age."

Dara Torres

RSA Animate - Drive: The surprising truth about what motivates us

2010-06-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church? A Parable.

2010-05-08T08:04:00.000-05:00

Patrick Henry Hughes

2010-04-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

Tim Hughes Consuming Fire with lyrics

2010-04-18T20:43:00.000-05:00

Stressless Saturday

2010-03-13T08:46:00.000-06:00

Where is God?

2010-01-24T21:21:00.000-06:00

As a counselor I talk to people almost daily about the difficult circumstances of their lives. Divorces, affairs, children who disappoint, relationship difficulties, job stress, betrayal, and many other issues. Almost every individual going through a hard time asks the same question, “Where is God in the midst of my circumstances?” Even the people who don’t necessarily believe in God rail against the injustices in the world. They use their anger as proof that God must not exist. After all, if there was a God…how could he allow the innocent to suffer?

In his book, Where is God?, Dr. John Townsend attempts to point his readers to a God who, although not always seen or understood, is with us. Townsend asserts that God is working behind the scenes, acting on our behalf, and suffering with us when we hurt.

I recently had a client who was dealing with childhood sexual abuse. She made the statement that if everything she learned about God in church was true, then God knew she was being abused, stood there and watched it, and did nothing. She struggled to make sense of a God who could stand by and watch a child being abused. As she worked through her anger she pictured herself standing in front of God beating on His chest screaming “How could you let that happen?” And in her picture, God put His arms around her, and said “I was there, and my heart broke. If I had stopped it, I would have had to take away your abuser’s freedom. I won’t make anyone into a robot. Not your abuser, and not you, but I promise to bring good out of your pain.”

That is the kind of God that Townsend portrays in this book, a God who suffers with us when we suffer and a God who wants our love for Him to be real in spite of our circumstances.

Although I personally did not learn anything new by reading this book, I feel that it is a book that I can recommend to clients. Townsend has a solid grasp of not only the psychological principals of suffering, but also gives Biblical support for his views.

Townsend concludes this book by assuring his readers that God loves them, wants what is best for them, and is actively involved in their lives…a reason to have hope.

Marriage Monday

2010-01-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

Becky Kelley - Where's the Line to See Jesus?

2010-01-09T16:20:00.001-06:00

Fun Friday

2010-01-08T16:13:00.002-06:00

In My Next Life

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T09:31:00.002-06:00

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

Fun Friday - Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T21:55:00.001-06:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-12-20T13:12:00.002-06:00

The man to whom I'm going to introduce you was not a scrooge, he was a kind decent, mostly good man. Generous to his family, upright in his dealings with other men. But he just didn't believe all that incarnation stuff which the churches proclaim at Christmas Time. It just didn't make sense and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just couldn't swallow the Jesus Story, about God coming to Earth as a man.

"I'm truly sorry to distress you," he told his wife, "but I'm not going with you to church this Christmas Eve." He said he'd feel like a hypocrite. That he'd much rather just stay at home, but that he would wait up for them. And so he stayed and they went to the midnight service.

Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier and then went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper. Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound...Then another, and then another. Sort of a thump or a thud...At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against his living room window. But when he went to the front door to investigate he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They'd been caught in the storm and, in a desperate search for shelter, had tried to fly through his large landscape window.

Well, he couldn't let the poor creatures lie there and freeze, so he remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter, if he could direct the birds to it. Quickly he put on a coat, galoshes, tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the doors wide and turned on a light, but the birds did not come in. He figured food would entice them in. So he hurried back to the house, fetched bread crumbs, sprinkled them on the snow, making a trail to the yellow-lighted wide open doorway of the stable. But to his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs, and continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them...He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around them waving his arms...Instead, they scattered in every direction, except into the warm, lighted barn.

And then, he realized that they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a strange and terrifying creature. If only I could think of some way to let them know that they can trust me...That I am not trying to hurt them, but to help them. But how? Because any move he made tended to frighten them, confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him.

"If only I could be a bird," he thought to himself, "and mingle with them and speak their language. Then I could tell them not to be afraid. Then I could show them the way to safe, warm...to the safe warm barn. But I would have to be one of them so they could see, and hear and understand." At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sounds of the wind. And he stood there listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. And he sank to his knees in the snow.

Paul Harvey

10 Communication Skills for Effective Parenting

2009-12-17T08:36:00.000-06:00

We all want to have healthy relationships with our children. Often the measure of health in our parent/child relationships is the quality of our communication. Positive communication is the key to friendly, trusting, and caring relationships between parents and children. It is also a skill most of us were not born with. Children learn how to communicate by watching their parents. If parents communicate openly and effectively, chances are that their children will, too. Whether you are parenting a toddler or teenager, good communication skills will benefit your children for their entire lives.

So how can you communicate effectively with your children? The ten skills listed below can help you improve relations with your children and bring harmony to your home.

1. Be interested in what your child has to say.
Turn off the TV and put down the newspaper. Kids can tell when you are not concentrating. Maintain eye contact, this lets your child know that you are really interested in what they have to say. If you truly do not have time at that moment, promise to get back to them later, but then do it!

2. Keep conversations brief.
The younger children are, the more difficult is for them to sit through a long speech. The goal is for parents to pass on information a little at a time while checking that their children are paying attention to and understanding what is being said at regular intervals. Parents should let children decide when enough is enough. Look for clues like fidgeting, lack of eye contact, distractibility.

3. Ask the right questions…avoid dead end questions.
Avoid asking questions that just require a yes or no answer. Ask questions that begin with what, where, who or how. But…don't let your questions turn into an interrogation!

4. Communicate at your children's level.
Come down to their level both verbally and physically. Use age appropriate language that the child can understand.

5. Express your own feelings and ideas.
Communication is a two way street. Parents can teach their children many things, for example, morals and values, by expressing thoughts and feelings. For example, watch TV together and engage the child in a conversation about why you believe what you are watching is wrong or immoral. Be careful, however, not to come off "preachy" or judgmental.

6. Regularly schedule family meetings or times to talk.
Use the dinner hour as time to catch up with each other. Or use quiet times before bed as a time to find out what the child has planned for the next day.

7. Admit it when you don't know something.
When a child asks a question you don't know the answer to, use it as a learning experience for both of you. We need to teach our children that the smartest people are not the ones who have all the answers (an impossibility), but the ones who know how to find the answers. Teach your children how to find out the answers to tough questions.

8. Try to make explanations complete.
When answering questions give as much information as the child needs, even if the subject is something that you don't feel comfortable with. If parents answer tough questions without strong reactions, children learn that no subject is taboo, and they will probably lose interest after they get their answer. Remember, anything you make an issue will become an issue.

9. Let your children know they have been heard.
Keep interruptions to a minimum. You can offer encouragement through a smile, touch or nod, without interrupting. When they are done speaking restate what the child said. For example, "Boy it sounds like you had a really tough day!" Not only will this let the child know that you have been listening, but it will often give the child a chance to clarify or give more information.

10. Avoid negative communication. Examples of negative communication:
· Nagging and Lecturing
· Interrupting
· Criticizing
· Dwelling on the past
· Controlling through the use of guilt
· Using sarcasm
· Telling children how to solve their problems
· Putting children down
· Using threats
· Denying children's feelings

Depression and the Holidays

2009-12-16T19:06:00.004-06:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes "the most wonderful time of the year" to quote a famous Christmas carol, is not always so wonderful! The holidays, which start at Thanksgiving and don't end until after the New Year, are stressful! Cooking, spending too much money, eating too much, parties, family gatherings and decorating can take a toll on the best of us. For some people the holidays are really the saddest part of the year. A time when the loss of a loved one is felt the most, and a time when people who aren't surrounded by friends and family feel alone and isolated.

Our expectations during the holidays often set us up for feeling bad. Our fantasy of a loving family singing carols around the tree are often replaced with family friction, moody teenagers, and dinners that don't look (or taste) like the picture on our Christmas card.

We all suffer from the blues at times, especially in the winter when days are short and our "perfect" holidays don't pan out. However, if the blues last more than a few weeks you may be suffering from depression.

What to look for...
• Loss of pleasure from daily life.
• Sad, anxious or “empty” mood.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Changes in weight and appetite.
• Feeling restless or irritable.
• Trouble concentrating, remembering or making decisions.
• Fatigue or loss of energy.
• Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.
• Physical symptoms that don’t respond to treatment.
• Thoughts of death or suicide.

Here are some things you can do if you're feeling down during the holidays
• Set realistic goals
• Ask for help when you need it.
• Get enough sleep.
• Go to sleep and get up at about the same time every day.
• Eat a healthy diet.
• Exercise regularly.
• Build and keep friendships and a network of support.
• Take a course in stress management or assertiveness.

If these don't help and you feel several of the symptoms of depression listed above for more than two weeks call your doctor. Don't let the blues get the best of you!

Stressless Saturday

2009-12-12T19:55:00.000-06:00

Dear Jesus,

I am so tired. My weariness goes all the way to the bone. Even when I sleep, I wake up exhausted. I am worried about so many things. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that you understand even my doubts and that you love me in the midst of them.

My schedule is so packed with important things, and I can’t imagine giving up even one of them. Help! Will you really show me where to put my left foot and my right? Lord, I want to believe; help my unbelief. Give me a heart that hungers and thirsts to know you, even more than I hunger and thirst for rest and peace. When I want to know and understand you more than anything else in my world, I will have come to the beginning of the end of the stress that threatens to undo me. Reveal yourself to me, Lord, and I will follow.

Amen.

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-12-06T21:00:00.005-06:00

"The worst disease in today's world is not leprosy or cancer: it is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted, of being deserted and alone“ Mother Teresa

Stressless Saturday

2009-12-05T20:01:00.000-06:00

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversaries, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds...but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day...Today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day, it is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities...Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives men mad...it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring

— Author Unknown

Fun Friday

2009-12-04T21:06:00.000-06:00

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.

Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize the guy was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy).

By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Fun Friday

2009-11-13T08:10:00.002-06:00

Senior Service

2009-11-12T08:01:00.000-06:00

The word “retirement” isn’t in the Bible, at least not in the sense that we ever retire from serving God and others. Seniors who’ve had active lives may want to relax a bit during their retirement years, but continuing in ministry—even just a day or two each month, will help them realize that God still wants what they have to offer.

Here are 25 ideas for “senior service” to get you started:

1. Adopt a “grandchild.”
2. Volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center.
3. Help young business entrepreneurs.
4. Provide childcare for MOPS or other young mothers’ programs.
5. Plant flowers in working neighbors’ yards (with their permission, of course).
6. Visit nursing home patients.
7. Volunteer to work at a church camp.
8. Watch a single mom’s kids while she goes grocery shopping.
9. Serve meals at a homeless shelter.
10. Be a prayer partner, or volunteer to coordinate a prayer chain.
11. Teach English as a second language (ESL).
12. Do odd jobs for a neighbor.
13. Collect or distribute food at a local food bank.
14. Volunteer at the humane society.
15. Work on a Habitat for Humanity home.
16. Deliver Meals on Wheels.
17. Teach crafts, music, or another skill.
18. Serve as a hospital volunteer.
19. Help with a community cleanup project.
20. Coach Little League or a kids’ soccer team.
21. Work at a blood drive or flu shot clinic.
22. Serve as an election judge.
23. Provide meals for families with new babies.
24. Deliver prescription medicines to shut-ins.
25. Help a mission or nonprofit organization do mailings.

These ideas were originally published in Rev! magazine, and this is just one of the thousands of articles available to members of Church Volunteer Central in our Idea Depot.
Copyright © 2009 Group Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.

A Gift of a Bible

2009-11-11T08:33:00.001-06:00

Very convicting words...from an atheist.

Piano stairs - TheFunTheory.com - Rolighetsteorin.se

2009-11-03T14:04:00.001-06:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-11-01T07:12:00.000-06:00

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. – Ambrose

Stressless Saturday

2009-10-31T10:13:00.000-05:00

Assertiveness

I was listening to an audio recording of a seminar on women in leadership today. The woman speaker said that as a child her mother often called her the ”b” word…bossy. Today many assertive, take charge, confident women are called another “b” word that is designed to “put them in their place.” The assertiveness that is never questioned in men (who are supposed to take charge) is not looked on favorably in women. Because we, as women, often have to put our natural leadership skills aside to play well with others, we sometimes give up our basic human rights. When I pull out the following list of rights and go over it with some of my female clients I can see their anxiety level rising. Sometimes they just can’t see themselves demanding fair treatment, and sometimes they just never realized that they could!

As a counselor I often tell clients that we teach people how to treat us. By standing up for our rights we show we respect ourselves and usually get respect from others. Sacrificing our rights usually results in teaching people to treat us badly.

I have the right to change my mind…about anything.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.
I have the right to ask for what I want.
I have the right to think before I answer.
I have the right to say “That is unacceptable behavior…if you continue there will be consequences.”
I have the right to impose consequences on unacceptable behavior.
I have the right to feel angry (and any other emotion) as long as I don’t hurt others with my anger.
I have the right to make my own decisions, even when others don’t agree.
I have the right to ask for information.
I have the right to be left alone when I want to be left alone.
I have the right to say NO without feeling guilty.
I have the right to ignore the advice of others.

So, did you feel your anxiety level rising? Do you believe that these are rights that every human being has? If not, who told you that you didn’t have these rights? What happens when you try to assert yourself? If these rights are unfamiliar to you, start small. Begin by being assertive with a stranger in a non-threatening situation like asking your waitress to substitute something on the menu. Assertiveness is like a muscle. The more we use it, the better we get.

Fun Friday

2009-10-30T17:14:00.001-05:00

On the first day God created the cow. God said: "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."

And God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog.

God said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So, with a sigh, God agreed.

On the third day, God created the monkey. God said: Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span.

"Monkey said: "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed again. On the fourth day God created man. God said: "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said: "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained. Any questions, ask Him.

Marriage Monday

2009-10-26T21:26:00.001-05:00

How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship. Do you know your partner's inner world? Take the quiz below and find out.

1. I can name my partner's best friends. yes no
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. yes no
3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. yes no
4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. yes no
5. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. yes no
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. yes no
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. yes no
8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. yes no
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. yes no
10. My partner really respects me. yes no
11. There is fire and passion in this relationship. yes no
12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship. yes no
13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship. yes no
14. My partner generally likes my personality. yes no
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying. yes no
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. yes no
17. My partner is one of my best friends. yes no
18. We just love talking to each other. yes no
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions. yes no
20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree. yes no
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver. yes no
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life. yes no

Your score:
15 or more yes answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations!

8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

This quiz highlights elements of what Dr. Gottman refers to as your "love map." In his workshops, Dr. Gottman discusses the step-by-step process of making sure that you nurture your friendship with your partner. In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, Dr. Gottman found that the best predictor of passion and romance in a relationship was...you guessed it...the quality of the friendship!

Check out http://www.gottman.com for more information about marriage.

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-10-25T20:52:00.001-05:00

"We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You've probably heard the expression 'I believe in God, just not organized religion'. I don't think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live." Francis Chan - Crazy Love

Fun Friday

2009-10-23T08:36:00.002-05:00

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my body is parked in front of this computer,

I want all of you to blame Bill Gates.

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

2009-10-21T14:13:00.001-05:00

I am reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. A great read...if you don't mind being convicted!

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-10-18T16:34:00.002-05:00

"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." Tim Kizziar

Fun Friday

2009-10-16T14:14:00.005-05:00

READ BELOW FOR

IMPORTANT NEWS !!!

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu..............

Ignore it. It's just spam.

Tip Thursday

2009-10-08T13:56:00.002-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-10-04T14:21:00.003-05:00

"When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself. Failure to hit the bull's eye is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim - improve yourself." Gilbert Arland

Stress Inventory

2009-10-03T08:31:00.002-05:00

1. Give yourself 10 points if you feel that you have a supportive family around you.
2. Give your self 10 points if you actively pursue a hobby.
3. Give your self 10 points if you belong to some social or activity group that meets at least once a month (other than your family).
4. Give your self 15 points if you are within five pounds of your "ideal" body weight, considering yur height and bone structure.
5. Give your self 15 points if you practice some form of "deep relaxation" at least three times a week. Deep relaxation exercises include meditation, imagery, yoga, etc.
6. Give your self 5 points for each time you exercise 30 minutes or longer during the course of an average week.
7. Give your self 5 points for each nutritionally balanced and wholesome meal you consume during the course of an average week.
8. Give your self 5 points if you do something that you really enjoy which is "just for you" during the course of an average week.
9. Give your self 10 points if you have some place in your home that you can go in order to relax and/or be by yourself.
10. Give your self 10 points if you practice time management techniques in your daily life.
11. Subtract 10 points for each pack of cigarettes you smoke during the course of an average day.
12. Subtract 5 points for each evening during the course of an average week that you take any form of medication or chemical substance (including alcohol) to help you sleep.
13. Subtract 10 points for each day during the course of an average week that you consume any form of medication or chemical substance (including alcohol) to reduce your anxiety or just calm you down.
14. Subtract 5 points for each evening during the course of an average week that you bring work home: work that was meant to be done at your place of employment.

Now add your total score. If you scored in the 50-60 point range you probably have an adequate collection of coping strategies for most common sources of stress. However, the higher your score the greater your ability to cope with stress in a healthy way.

Real Church

2009-09-29T20:04:00.001-05:00

"I think that is God's plan -- to meet me where I am, in all my ugliness, not where I pretend to be or wish I were; to meet me in my weakness and shame and fear and to give me hope that God loves me, that He can change me, and that He can use me. I need help to dare believe that though I deserve to be hated, God delights in me; that though I keep living in my mess, He is changing me and will one day finish the job; and that He can use me to change the world, to make an eternal difference in this sorry but God-loved planet." Larry Crabb - Real Church

The Bank of Time

2009-09-28T21:17:00.002-05:00

" If you had a bank that credited your account each morning with $86,400.00 that carried over no balance from day to day and allowed you to keep no cash in your account...and every evening cancelled whatever part of the amount you had failed to use during the day...what would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Well...you have such a bank, and it's name is "Time". Every night it rules off, as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose...it carries over no balance. It allows no overdrafts. Each day it opens a new account with you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. Ther is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present - on today's deposits. Invest it...so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success."
- Author Unknown

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-09-27T20:41:00.001-05:00

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

- Albert Einstein

Stressless Saturday

2009-09-26T07:48:00.000-05:00

Don't Quit!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must; but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

_____________________________________________________

Fun Friday

2009-09-25T13:50:00.002-05:00

I Am a 'Kept' Woman You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go on no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong,
But the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Ps. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall,
HE kept me up.

When I thought I was weak,
HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I am indeed a 'kept' woman and praise God for it!

The Cross We Bear

2009-09-23T20:59:00.002-05:00

God is Good

2009-09-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

The past year has been a struggle. Moving, changing churches, moving my practice, and starting over. I have faced many losses. Although I often felt that the church I had attended for almost 20 years was an island experience – at least it was a familiar and friendly experience. People knew me, respected me, and in a limited way, loved me. Limited in the way that a counselor/staff person is known and loved. I had gone from lay person to staff person back to lay person again. When I moved off staff I found I really had no place there. People in the church were distant because I was a staff member…and then when I quit my job I didn’t fit with the staff either. I had jumped ship…on both sides…and found myself swimming in very lonely waters.

So, when my husband retired we decided to move to the community where our son and his family live. I had prayed that I would find a place to belong, a place to serve, a place to be known and loved, and a place where I could know and love others without the obstacle of staff vs. non-staff history.

We started attending our son’s church at probably the worst time in the life of the church. A few months before we moved, the senior pastor resigned. A good friend of ours was on staff at the church and I saw firsthand the difficulties of working in a church without a senior pastor. In our denomination, whenever a senior pastor leaves, the rest of the pastoral staff is required to turn in a letter of resignation. The board can then decide to keep them until a new pastor comes. Once hired, the new senior pastor has to make a decision (within 90 days) if he/she is going to accept those letters of resignation.

We attended the church for seven months before a new senior pastor came. During that seven months…a time of getting used to a new community, a new home, and trying to find an office for my business, I watched as my friend struggled with “do I stay and hope the new guy keeps me? Or do I go?” The interim was hard on the church and staff, and hard on me, a former staff member whose only hope was that I would find a place to serve and a place to belong.

As a counselor and friend, I walked through those dark days with my staff member friend. I tried to help her problem solve when she told me about the issues she had with the board and the interim pastor. I prayed that the new pastor would be able to see her strengths and gifts and affirm them. I also prayed that he/she would be able to see my strengths and gifts and help me find a place to serve.

I don’t know all the details, but at the 90 day mark, my friend was let go. I grieved with her, and I grieved for myself. It seemed that this was not going to be a place where I was going to be able to serve. Partly because I had already volunteered for a few ministries and never heard back from anyone about whether or not they wanted my involvement, and partly because I recognized that the culture of the church was not welcoming. In my mind I connected the easy “disposal” of my friend with a place that was unfriendly and unloving. It didn’t help that even after a year of attending my son, daughter-in-law and a few of their friends were the only people who talked to us Sunday after Sunday.

I’m sure my attitude could have been better. My emotions ranged from anger to hurt to sadness to grief to hope and back. Not typically an emotional person, I found myself near tears after many Sunday morning services. I was grieving the loss of a familiar place where people loved me, wishing that I could find a place to fit, and longing for connection and purpose.

It has been a year since my friend’s resignation was “accepted.” I have watched her struggle as a single female try to support herself after losing her job in the worst economy since the great depression. I have walked beside her as she tried to pick up the pieces of her shattered self-esteem. I have listened to her as she worked through the fear of getting back into ministry. I have fed her more days than not as she struggled to even have enough money for food. I have grieved with her, been angry for her, prayed for her, and wondered with her “why do people get up on Sunday morning and go to church when this is what they get?”

And as much as both of us wanted to walk away and be done with church, God kept speaking. He wouldn’t let either of us go. I recently stopped by my friend’s house and on her refrigerator, on a dry erase board, was a list of the blessings she has received since losing her job. She realizes (on most days) that even though the church has rejected her, God is still caring for her. As I looked at her list I wondered if I could identify the ways that God still cares for me.

I told a friend recently that I had given up on the church. Not necessarily given up on going to church, but given up my struggle to fit in. I acknowledged that for both me and my friend God has led us through what seemed to be a desert experience. I have to tell you…I hate desert experiences. I wish that I could learn about God in the sunshine on a beach somewhere. But it is in the desert experiences that God reduces us to radical dependence on Him.

Jeremiah 32: 40 – 41 says, “I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul.”

I heard Dr. Larry Crabb this week speak about these verses in Jeremiah. He said, “Whatever God is doing in our lives, he is doing good…and he’s having a really good time doing it!” So, if that is true, what is God doing in my life and in the life of my friend? I wish I could say that I have learned all the lessons that I am supposed to during this time, but I know that learning is a journey, not a destination. In my limited understanding I believe that God is using this time to get me to stop looking to the church, to my position, even to the people in the church to find significance. Although I have always known at an intellectual level that truth, until I was swimming in those very lonely waters I didn’t realize how much I looked for approval in the eyes of those I served.

So many times in the last year I have complained. How could they NOT want me? I would be a valuable asset to any church! I have a lot to offer! Although I wasn’t the one let go, in many ways my journey mirrored my friend’s journey. It is no wonder that it hooked my emotions at such a deep level. I felt angry, hurt, depressed, and rejected. I felt it for her and I felt it for myself.

I have found myself recently rereading some of my favorite Bible stories. The life of Joseph has always spoken to me, but never as much as it has this year. Joseph, favored by his father, chosen of God, sold into slavery, given up for dead, and imprisoned unfairly had much more to complain about than me. I often wonder if I could read the journals of some of my Biblical heroes if they would read like mine with an unhealthy dose of “poor me.” He may have complained, but at the end of the story he tells the brothers that sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Genesis 50:20a.

It reminds me of a story I read recently:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

I know that God will redeem this year in my life. I know that God will bring good out of my circumstances and the circumstances of my friend. How? I don’t have the answer yet. My friend is working part time in a church. She still struggles to make ends meet financially, and she still has fears, but I see God healing her. The “dirt” that was thrown on her in her last ministry assignment is becoming her path to the future. God has not stopped doing good to her. Even the fact that she was only able to find a part time job in a small church is probably a blessing from God. She needed time to ease back into ministry instead of hitting the ground running in a large church. And I needed time to get over myself.

So, I wait…patiently some days, not so patiently other days. I don’t like sitting on the sidelines, but I am beginning to hope that God keeps me here until I am able to find my significance in Him alone.

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-09-13T20:13:00.002-05:00

"One of the main reasons people underperform in their jobs is that they don't know 'why' they are doing them in the first place."
Laurie Beth Jones - Teach Your Team to Fish

Health Care Plan

2009-09-11T22:25:00.001-05:00

Let me get this straight.

We are going to get a health care plan written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's nearly broke.

What could possibly go wrong?

Louie Giglio - Laminin

2009-09-07T08:28:00.001-05:00

Colossians 1:15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-09-06T08:35:00.000-05:00

"What if success was more about finding your calling than getting a job? What if the important thing were not making a living, but making a life? What if, instead of beguiling others into thinking we're somthing we're not, we sought to become everything we were designed to be?" Jeff Myers

The Prayer: Bocelli and Dion

2009-08-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

The Prayer: Bocelli and Dion @ Yahoo!7 Video

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-08-23T08:11:00.000-05:00

"You and I need to learn to interpret our circumstances by His love, not interpret His love by our circumstances!" Anne Graham Lotz Just Give Me Jesus

Why Go To Church

2009-08-20T08:17:00.000-05:00

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.."I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.

"This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this .. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, ifIf I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing..... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-08-16T09:34:00.000-05:00

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace." -- Peggy Tabor Millin: Mary's Way

Tip Thursday

2009-08-06T08:19:00.000-05:00

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE. It will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off andsee the dead skin and blackheads
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar On it!
10. Arthritis? Use WD-40 Spray and rub in; kills insect stings too
11. Bee stings – Use meat tenderizer or tape a penny to bee sting for 15 min.
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - Crazy Glue or Chap Stick (Glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals.)
15. Stinky feet - Jell-O!
16. Athletes feet - Cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Use Kool Aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put it in the detergentsection and run a cycle. It will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and wedrink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint. Also Kool Aid in Dannon Plain yogurt as a finger paint. Your kids will love it and it won'thurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with acoffee filter paper. Put a small amount of rubbing alcohol on a soft rag. Rub it on a CD, and it will also take the scratches out of a CD.
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep acan in your garage for your hubby.
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls.
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with cornstarch and watch them slide on.
25. Heavy dandruff - Pour on the vinegar !
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco inthe microwave, pour in to an empty filmcontainer and mix with the foodcolor of your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie arubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping – Take large bottle of club soda andcup of milk of magnesia , soak for 20 min., and let dry. It will last formany years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgatetoothpaste
31. For wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into thesalt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain.It will absorb into the towel.
33. To remove labels off glassware, etc,. rub with peanut butter !
34. Baked on food – Put a Bounce fabric softener sheet in the baked on food container,
fill the container with water, and soak overnight. The static from the Bounce sheet
will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Also, you can put two Efferdent tablets and water in the container and soak overnight with the same results!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate Toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout – Use Listerine
37. Stains on clothes – Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains – Use Coca Cola., It will also remove grease stains fromthe driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from carbatteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax - Sprinkle and letstand for 24 hours.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer, add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayeraspirin , or just use 7-up instead of water.

Fun Friday

2009-07-24T21:41:00.001-05:00

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no male pallbearers In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

Fun Friday

2009-07-10T21:23:00.001-05:00

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

Cell Phone vs.the Bible

2009-07-04T12:11:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go.....hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don ' t have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think, where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!

Saying No

2009-06-22T18:40:00.005-05:00

"A 'No' uttered form deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes'merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." Mahatma Gandhi
I once heard it said that the word NO is a complete sentence. Although I agree that it can be,

many people have a hard time saying the word. I was facilitating a group last week when we starting talking about living a balanced life. Many of the women in the group agreed that their lives were sometimes out of control because they said yes to too many things. One woman stated that she feels guilty when she says no, and worries that she is hurting the feelings of the person she has to say no to.

So why is so hard to say no? In his book The Power of a Positive No, William Ury states, "Perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against - the other's demand or behavior. A positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite and base our No on what we are for. Instead of starting from No, start from Yes. Root you No in a deeper Yes - a Yes to your core interests and to what truly matters."

Picture going on vacation with only a week to drive to your vacation spot, relax for a few days, and drive back home. You would pull out your map, make sure you know the quickest way to get there, and prepare yourself for the journey. You wouldn't want any unwelcome surprises (like a flat tire, a detour, stopping to see the world's biggest ball of twine, etc.) to keep you from enjoying your time away. And if you did have an unwelcome surprise, you might end up feeling frustrated and resentful that you didn't get to do all the fun things you had planned.

Unfortunately many of us spend a lot of time planning our vacations, but we don't spend time planning our lives. We get sidetracked from doing the best things because we say yes to doing good things that are on someone else's agenda. And then we end up feeling resentful because we are stressed out from doing too much...living an unbalanced life.

I often tell my clients that we not only have the right to say no, we often have the responsibility to say no! When we take the time to discover what truly matters we can say no in a healthy way because we are starting from yes!

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-06-21T03:23:00.000-05:00

"Never underestimate the power of your attitude. It is the advance man of our true selves. Its roots are inward, but its fruit is outward. It is our best friend, or our worst enemy. It is more honest and more consistent than our words. It has an outward look based on past experiences. It is never content until it is expressed. It is the librarian of our past; it's the speaker of our present, and it's the prophet of our future." John Maxwell

Learning to be Content

2009-06-20T15:39:00.006-05:00

I was reading through some of my favorite verses in Philippians today and read again Paul's statement "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13.

If we look at the life of Paul, we realize that God doesn't always protect his servants from the realities of living in this world. Paul found himself in some pretty miserable conditions; hungry, shipwrecked, abandoned, persecuted, in prison, etc. And yet, he said "I have learned the secret of being content." So what is the secret? And how can we learn it?

If you unpack the verses prior to to his statement you will see two parts to finding contentment. One is what we do, and the other is what God has promised.

Our part of the equation is found in Philippians 4:4-6 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God," and in Philippians 4:8-9a, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice."

God's promises are found in Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," and Philippians 4:9b "And the God of peace will be with you."

Contentment doesn't come from a life with no trials or a life of having everything we want. It comes from practice, and it comes from surrendering our lives to God. Paul could face any trial with confidence because he had learned, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Check out Philippians 4:6-7 in the Message, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Biblical Hospitality

2009-06-18T21:10:00.006-05:00

If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you are doing.

W. Edwards Deming

"Andy Stanley has said, 'The church is a family expecting guests.' Is your family ready? Have you prepared for the arrival of guests and all that is to follow? Let's say I've invited you into my home for dinner. I would put great effort into getting ready for your visit. I would take the piled-up newspapers out to the recycling bin, pick up the toys in the hallway and even run a dust rag over the furniture. I would want ot make sure that my home gave off the best impression of me. For our meal, I would be sure to make a dish you would enjoy. I would want to satisfy your hunger with something healthy and delicious. When you arrive, I would show you around, make sure you feel welcome and respected as a guest in my home. By preparing for your coming, I would be able to treat you with the hospitality you deserve.

The Church - your church - truly is a family expecting guests. And you should be ready to show them intentional hospitality when they arrive. While they are in your company, they need to feel comfortable and valued, no matter where they are in their spiritual development. When they leave, be proactive in giving them a return invitation they'll be hard pressed to refuse. Your church is a bigger representation of the bigger family of God. God is honored when you show your guests true biblical hospitality."

Dawn Wells Potato Peeling Video

2009-06-17T08:49:00.001-05:00

Windows

2009-06-15T08:54:00.001-05:00

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

'That laundry is not very clean,' she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, The young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.

'The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.' And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Fun Friday

2009-06-12T08:35:00.001-05:00

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon...She emphatically told Frank(and several others) That everyone seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank, a man of few words,stared at her for a moment andjust turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...
walked home...and left it there all night!!!
(You gotta love Frank!)

Transformation

2009-05-07T17:52:00.003-05:00

Jesus taught transformation, not transactions. Transactions are lateral exchanges between people - be it goods or services. Transactions occur every time two people engage in commerce of any kind. I give yu this in exchange for that. Transactions are obvious and literal, commonplace and easy to spot. In contrast, transformations are invisible, uplifing, transcendent experiences that involve a fundamental shift or change.

The underlying principle of this lesson is that your first and foremost task it ot build relationships, not "make deals". Out of the relationshis will flow the deal, and more.

Jesus sought and taught transformations, not transactions.

Teach Your Team to Fish. Laurie Beth Jones

Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19

Dear God, help me to see what I do as more than an exchange of money for my services. Work through me to transform lives. In the counseling field it would be easy for me to isolate myself and end up on only the giving end of a relationship. I am realizing the need for transforming relationships in my life where I can be vulnerable and real.

The Start of Swine Flu?

2009-04-30T21:02:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-26T20:02:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-19T20:07:00.000-05:00

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

"Christ the Lord is risen to-day," Sons of men and angels say. Raise your joys and triumphs high; Sing, ye heavens, and earth reply. ~ Charles Wesley

Sunday's Quote of the Day

2009-04-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

But everyone who lined the streets had a different reason for waving those palms. Some were political activists; they'd heard Jesus had supernatural power, and they wanted him to use it to free Israel from Roman rule. Others had loved ones who were sick or dying. They waved branches, hoping for physical healing. Some were onlookers merely looking for something to do, while others were genuine followers who wished Jesus would establish himself as an earthly king. Jesus was the only one in the parade who knew why he was going to Jerusalem - to die. He had a mission, while everyone else had an agenda.

Bill Hybels - Willow Creek Community Church

Fun Friday

2009-03-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

Faith and Parenting

2009-03-19T12:50:00.002-05:00

Lifeway Research recently put out the following article on fath and parenting. Interesting that many Christian parents don't look to the church or the Bible for advice on parenting.

NASHVILLE, Tenn., 2/25/09 – Most American parents feel their parenting skills and family life are pretty good, but they are reluctant to describe their homes as peaceful, relaxed or joyful and their daily family time consists mostly of eating dinner and watching television, according to a new study from LifeWay Research. While most parents are trying to improve their skills, far fewer look to the church or the Bible for help.

The national survey of 1,200 parents with children under 18 at home was conducted by LifeWay Research, the research arm of LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

The study found that 96 percent of parents agree they consistently try to be better parents. Fifty-eight percent agree strongly and 38 percent agree somewhat with this statement.

“Parents claim they are trying hard to be better parents but they are not welcoming outside guidance or advice,” said Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research and co-author with Rodney and Selma Wilson of The Parent Adventure, just released from B&H Publishing Group, with complementary teaching and learning resources from LifeWay Church Resources. “The only source of advice that a majority of parents use a lot is their own experience. It’s as if parents are collectively reverting to a popular toddler saying, ‘I will do it myself!’”

Sixty percent of parents look a lot to their own experiences growing up as their source of guidance on parenting and another 31 percent do so to some extent.

By comparison, 21 percent indicate they receive a lot of guidance from a sacred text and 15 percent depend a lot on a church. A full 61 percent completely ignore parenting seminars and 53 percent have no use for books by religious parenting experts.

Only 14 percent indicate they are very familiar with what the Bible has to say about parenting, the research revealed. Twenty-seven percent of Protestant parents are very familiar with what the Bible has to say about parenting compared to only 7 percent of Catholic parents. Among parents with evangelical beliefs, 52 percent say they are very familiar with the Bible’s parenting advice.

A large majority of the parents describe their home environment as supportive (74 percent), positive (71 percent), encouraging (69 percent) and active (69 percent). At the same time, however, 61 percent are unwilling to describe their homes as peaceful, 49 percent as relaxed and 43 percent as joyful.

While 57 percent of the parents say their families eat dinner together on a daily basis and 45 percent indicate they watch television together each day, only 53 percent report they pray together at least monthly and just 31 percent report having religious devotionals or studies together at least monthly.

More than 80 percent of parents rate family life – the quality of family communication, time spent with each other, treating each other with respect – as good to excellent. Thirty percent, however, indicate their family’s spiritual life is only fair or poor.

A full 92 percent of parents agree they need encouragement, the study found. Almost 10 percent say they need help with parenting and 11 percent indicate they have nowhere to turn for encouragement.

Among parents who attend religious worship services weekly, 38 percent indicate they get no encouragement from a sacred text such as the Bible, Torah or Koran and 24 percent report getting no encouragement from their church or place of worship. Forty-three percent of Protestant parents and 85 percent of Catholic parents do not receive encouragement from a sacred text. As for their church, 39 percent of Protestant parents and 71 percent of Catholic parents say it is not a source of encouragement as a parent.

McConnell concluded, “Christians are routinely neglecting biblical guidance and encouragement in their parenting today, relying instead on their own personal experience.”

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-18T12:18:00.001-05:00

Marriage Monday

2009-03-16T09:35:00.003-05:00

Last month we celebrated our 35th anniversary. I wish I could say that after 35 years we had arrived at "marital bliss", but I can't. What I can say is that the lessons I have learned in the last 35 years could not have been learned any other way. I have realized that God allows us to be in relationships that are sometimes "irritating" to sharpen and refine us. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Have you ever pictured iron sharpening iron? Sparks fly as the two pieces of metal collide. But it is through the collision and the heat that the sharpening takes place.

Most of us grew up believing the ending to most fairy tales, "They got married and lived happily ever after." And most of us who have been married for a while have probably been disappointed that it really isn't that easy. So, what do we do when the sparks fly? And trust me, they will! Here are some tips for how to handle conflict in marriage...some of them that I have learned in 35 years, and some that I'm still trying to master!

Face your fear of confrontation. I hate confrontation...but my husband loves to get things resolved. I learned pretty early in our marriage that our fights could last 5 minutes or 5 hours...and it all depended on me. If I tried to avoid confrontation my husband would keep going until the situation was addressed. If I got in there and "fought it out" the confrontation was usually over in 5 minutes!
Focus on the behavior, not the person. Say, "could you please put your dishes in the dishwasher", not "You're such a slob!"
Stay on topic. Our fights in marriage usually follow the same themes...but be careful not to bring up past hurts or failures, even if they are similar to what is frustrating you right now.
Be assertive (and respectful). Assertiveness is found in the balance between passive and aggressive. Aggressive says, "I only care about me, so I'm going to walk all over you, and if you don't like it, too bad." Passive says, "I only care about you, so you can walk all over me and I won't say anything." Assertive says, "I care about you, AND I care about me, so I won't do anything to intentionally hurt you, but I also won't let you do anything to intentionally hurt me."
Really listen to your spouse. Most of us know what we are trying to say, and sometimes it just doesn't come out right. Our spouses are no different. There are times when my husband says something that I perceive as mean. I have to really listen to what he is trying to say, and sometimes say "If you just said what I think you said that hurt." This gives him the opportunity to restate what he meant...not what I heard!

Living happily ever after takes a lot of work...but it is worth the effort!

Interview with Satan on his views about church

2009-03-13T21:47:00.001-05:00

Frog Seminar

2009-03-11T20:49:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of avery high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....The race began....Honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach thetop of the tower.

You heard statements such as:"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. Oneb y one....Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher..

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic....because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have. (There's life and death in the power of the tongue - Proverbs 18:21.)

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be.... POSITIVE!

And above all:Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: God and I can do this!

Why Go to Church?

2009-03-10T20:39:00.000-05:00

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing..... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!